"Never?" Never?" she asked, alarmed. "Years?" A look of alarmed disgust, as her eyes flicked involuntarily to the offending object."Jeez, no. Like ... a couple of weeks." Weeks?" she asked. Even more puzzled. "Surely you've been ... longer than that." No. no," I said, realizing her misunderstanding. "I like ... throw one out, and get a new one. Every few weeks."Mom rolled her eyes. "You're throwing away my towels?!" As if this was the crime of the century. Funny that she could really care less about my masturbating, but she was mad about me throwing away towels. I guess, looking back on it now, that's not so messed up as a lot of people are.Guiltily, I just lowered my eyes and said, meekly, "sorry, mom."There was a short silence. Then she said, "OK. OK. If you're going to use a towel, just use the same one, but please wash it regularly. Will you do that? Put in the laundry for me?" Um," I began, but couldn't continue."What?" What if, like, I need it in between? Like when it's in the. But later the next day at home when we again just cuddled on the couch, grieving, remembering ... comforting one another. I again reached up simply to embrace, to hold, and again came into contact with her breast, only now resting my head upon it as though it were a pillow. I think I actually fell asleep like that. My head on her breast, the other holding and cupping it just like it was a comforting pillow to me. I don't remember her taking my hand away from it that time.Over the years, especially when I finally discovered the joys of masturbation, that distant memory of doing that would come racing back. But interestingly enough, each time that it did, each year that I grew, that image of me sitting there, holding mom like that, had me at whatever age I currently was at. Not as that of the little girl I certainly once was back then.I never failed to have multiple orgasms thinking about that, fantasizing. But I also never failed to have the worst guilt ever afterwards either. It had.
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