' No ... no ... no. No comma.)Everybody started laughing spontaneously.Except me. I had fucked up again. This 'returning' is dangerous. Suddenly, my stomach tied itself in knots ... I felt ... loose ... my asshole clenched. I slipped the guitar in its plush case and stood ... one might say I waddled down the hall and to the bathroom ... Waddled is too slow but my guts wouldn't have withstood a run ... or even a 'trot.'To myself ... but aloud ... I mumbled, "Don't fart ... don't fart."The light was out ... the door was open. I said a silent thanks to what ever gods there be, dropped my shorts and sat ... with milliseconds to spare."David! ... Good Lord ... shut the door!" cried Grannie."I ... uhh ... can't."The veriest green fog rolled down the hall and crept into the living room."At ... least ... flush." I did ... UHH! ... Oh ... uhh." Another tidal wave hit my intestines...After the second cacophony of sounds echoed through the porcelain bowl, I heard the four women flee from the. "That's not a bad thing. Art should be representational." No, no, no. This is art," he said pointing to a copy of a Jackson Pollock on the wall. "It's bold, it's evocative, it makes you think." That is a guy cleaning his paint brushes on a canvas and laughing all the way to the bank. Pollock, Jasper Johns, Roy Lichtenstein, Picasso, they're all playing this huge joke on the world and laughing 'cause we don't get it." I'm afraid you don't get it. You're getting an F on your project and an F in my course."An F. I'd never had an F. Hell, I'd never had a C."No wait." I grabbed a fresh sheet of paper. Tami was working on a painting next to me. I grabbed the brush out of her hand and smeared some paint on the paper before handing it back. It was a dark purple. Then I took a jar or red paint and tipped a little onto the paper letting it run down and through the purple smear.I showed it to Mr. Kincaid. "I call it Portrait of a Failed Artist Who Pretends to Teach and Criticize."Mr. Kincaid's.
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