A hundred years had passed, Hyrule had changed from a prospering kingdom to a set of distant communities and wild lands ruled by monsters. A voice called out from the darkness, "Zelda...Zelda...Zelda..." The chamber were she slept shook and the princess awoke to find herself half submerged in pool of water and lying on a stone bed. A blue glow flowed through the veins of the room and left it dimly lit. She sat up and placed her feet on the floor; standing she felt the water drip from her body clad in a simple pair of dark blue underwear.A stone pedestal stood before her near the doorway, walking toward it seemed to activate the mechanism within. Its face turned and the center jutted out to offer up some sort of stone slab with a glowing blue eye. "That is a Sheikah Slate," said the voice once again, "take it..." Upon holding the slate, it flashed the image of the eye symbol and the door opened, revealing a chamber containing a few boxes and a chest.Zelda placed the slate in a pouch on. She’d picked me, after all, and I was a patented total loser.“We’re screening new television programs.” she said as her eagle eyes lit up. “I have to go now. Thanks so much. See you Monday!”Then she bounded off.“When Hell freezes over.” I said. But she was already beyond my hearing.The problem was that she had found one of the few weaknesses a total loser has. Television.When you’re a total loser, you form an intimate relationship with whatever television you can get access to. It doesn’t matter if it has cable or not. The big three put out just as much crap as anybody else. I mean look at Rikki Lee, or Regis, or Dr. Phil or any of them. Loser Central. That’s what daytime television is. Nowhere else can you see such a collection of losers as on daytime television. I’m almost never happier than when I’m staring at some other loser whose miserable life is being splattered all over the airwaves. Sometimes I think watching TV helps make you a loser.And prime time really isn’t any better..
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