” She said, and for a second she was my big sister again. “I mean ... I really liked last night.”“Yeah, that was awesome.”“And ... I’m a bit fucked up, with Dad passing and the assaults and ... well everything. But...” She said looking in her lap and holding my hand tight.“But we were good.” I said.She looked up smiling, but with tears welling up in her big brown eyes. “It was. Is it too crazy ... us doing stuff?” she asked earnestly.I thought about it. No, I really did! Although the guy in me wanted to scream, ‘Crazy! No! We should do it. We should do it right here. Right now!’Yes, sex between a brother and sister is supposed to be wrong. It’s taboo for a reason. But we weren’t going to have kids. We both needed someone we could trust. Someone we could open up to. Someone we could be ourselves with. We were not taking advantage of the other ... or maybe we were both taking advantage of each other. I was a little hazy on that one. Still.“Donna,” I finally answered, “We are probably. I knew long before, back when I was still in California that he was a hothead. I should have never moved to Houston with him. I should have stayed in California ... with you."Lauren reached over and put her hand on my arm."You treated me like I was someone special, like you really cared. You made me feel like I was loved and appreciated. You did love me then, didn't you?" You have no idea, Lauren. I really fell for you. It took a long time to get over you. Jazz," my voice cracked a little as I said her name, "helped me in so many ways. She was quite a woman. I miss her so much." Lauren increased her hand pressure on my arm before pulling back."So how did everything at the church happen, Lauren? I can't believe you had anything to do with that." I guess I did and I didn't. Please believe me, I had no idea he was going to do anything like that. I didn't even know he had a gun. But all this happened because of me. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry." She cried, and I could tell she was.
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