..of uncertainty, and even reluctance, tat gives you that feeling known as 'butterflies.' But you finally jump; you take the plunge, so to speak, anyway. That's how I felt. It surprised me at how easily Mara adapted to Omar's company! Once again, seeing the two of them together in front of me in the hotel room, smiling, chatting excitedly, a little nervously, even hesitantly (for a moment, or so, but no longer); it was undeniable that my wife, of only two years at that point, was about to "have sex" with this older African man from Zambia, who had two wives, and nine off-spring...but was about to leave his seed inside of my wife's womb in order to get her pregnant. It's still difficult to find just the right word, or words, to illuminate how I felt.Even though I was feeling so many different emotions, the over-riding one was 'erotic.' In fact, though I wasn't going to be sexually involved with Mara during our time in Kenya (while Omar did), I couldn't help but have an erection. Stupidly, I kept thinking about Valentine’s Day. The receptionist came in with a cloth covered tray and he immediately started. He pushed a thick needle into my testicle and aspirated a specimen. It hurt. I gripped the receptionist’s proffered hand and squeezed. When done, he told me the results would probably be positive for carcinoma. As he was operating at The Royal in three hours time, I should present myself there and wait. They would be able to admit me in time for the surgery and by then the biopsy results should be available. He told me of my planned orchidectomy and explained that the removal of the testicle was the only treatment. It has a very high success rate and the sooner it’s done the better. I felt numb with being told and didn’t hear everything. It was moving so fast. I tried to ring Alison but her phone was turned off and I left a message. I tried lots of times but she didn’t ring back. I just wanted to talk to her. I felt so miserable and desperately wanted.
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