It sounds a little bit schizophrenic, but it was actually highly interesting and somehow comforting to me, in a way that few things were. I spent most of my life being worried about something or other, and it wasn't as if that weren't true here as well, but here it was an excited kind of worried... closer to impatiently expectant, perhaps.It was of the utmost importance that I keep my cool, however, and let none of this internal agitation become externally visible, as seated across from me was my date for the evening, a lovely, slender, dark-skinned young thing with almost perfectly symmetrical facial features who professed to be an exchange student from Haiti. She was telling me about her father's estate at home, and the things she liked to do in her spare time. She was also telling me what she was studying while she was here in the United States. She was doing both of these things because I had asked, and I was leaning my chin on my hand and looking into her eyes with an air of. Finding the men is easy enough, especially when I tell them that I don't care who they are - something that seems mutual to most men nowadays. I don't think I've even asked their names the past few times. Thankfully, they don't mind that.Sometimes there are handsome ones who come along who seem nice enough but I prefer to blindfold them beforehand. Truth be told, I do it because I can't stand the thought of another man that I'm attracted to seeing how ugly I am underneath my clothes. Gratefully, they don't mind that either.Some of them I still seek out as well, since a few have given me what I need in this aspect of my life. Choking, slapping, and all the rough pounding help me forget as well as serve as a reminder. I can take some pleasure alongside the pain, but my greatest enjoyment is being able to wake up without feeling heartbreak from all sides.I enjoy being able to get lost in pleasure somehow but, naturally, I long for myself to be whole again. I want to feel as I felt before.
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