. His wicked mother . . . . . . . . .or his depraved whore. But I would be here willing and waiting to do almost anything he wanted me too. A normal mother would have freaked out at that point. A normal mother would have been consumed with the guilt and the shame. But I was past all that. The idea that my 17-year-old son was going to be walking into my bedroom at any minute and expecting to engage me, his mother, in a sexual way… …aroused me to a point I can’t explain. I loved the fact that we shouldn’t be doing it. I loved the idea of it being Our dirty little secret. And realizing that Brian had thought about it a lot, and liked it so much, made it that much more exciting for me. Even if it was unnatural, and even depraved, it made me feel desirable and sexual again and it gave me someone to please. I didn’t have to pretend to be the naughty secretary or the strict librarian, or the little Catholic schoolgirl that needed to be disciplined. I was the lonely Mom that wanted her. .. for that.”Her words said ‘thank you’ but her tone was a mix of ‘you’re a cold-blooded reptile’ and ‘I’d rather spend my night with a drunk hobo from Queens than you’. I held up my hands defensively, gave her an earnest look, and stated, “The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”“I know that. I appreciate that.” Rania tried to give me a smile, but it was clearly forced.I finally dropped my hands and gave her a sad look.After we disembarked the ferry, Rania went straight home.-- THURSDAY, JANUARY 10, 2008 --Rania got off work at 5pm, but she didn’t take the subway into Manhattan. Instead, she went home to have dinner with her parents, although she texted me to text her when I was done with my work obligations so that she could meet me at my hotel.I was relieved that she still planned to meet me at the hotel. After last night’s conversation, I wasn’t entirely sure if I’d ever see her again. And I still didn’t know how she’d act around me once we DID meet up. But finding out would have.
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