Every day, I’d have to hunt to find her sleeping in the cellar, in a closet, behind the couch, beneath the chair, or under my bed. Her weird and disturbing behavior told me she was looking for a place to die. Then, when she stopped eating, wouldn’t even eat a cookie, her favorite treat, sadly, it was time. I knew the inevitable, when I found one of her bloodied teeth on the floor and I started crying. I still have her tooth. I washed it, wrapped it in tissue, preserved it in a plastic baggy, and placed it under my pillow, my way of keeping her with me, when I sleep and I carry it around with me in my pocket, when I go out. Always there by my side, having her tooth with me is my way to pretend I’m still walking her. Knowing she’s there in spirit, not unlike an American Indian wearing a feather of an eagle, I feel better fingering the plastic bag, while walking through the mall or out to my car. I haven’t stopped crying since I knew it was time to take her to the vet. I had to do it. .. I was looking forward to that movie.”I shook my head at her. The movie would be showing every night for weeks. Dan’s last game wasn’t going to be repeated. The game would’ve given Tara a perfect excuse not to go to that party. Sometimes Tara was her own worst enemy but I wasn’t going to tell her that.We sat in silence and held hands. I hoped I was giving her some comfort.Tara obviously half wanted to go to this party – it wasn’t just Laura making her do it. If Tara was so desperate not to go, she would’ve figured out some way to avoid it. I had no idea why she would want to go. Maybe she was curious about what a high school party would be like. She was also nervous about going. Of course, being pressured into having sex was the obvious problem for her, but also she wasn’t comfortable about outright lying to The Parents. She was also being torn between me and her friends. Laura seemed to be forcing her to choose and she didn’t seem to be ready to do that. I didn’t really want her to.
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