I really don’t know why I’ve reacted like this. I don’t know if it’s about me, about the toys, the spanking or if it’s about us. Why today and why now? “Please make love to me. I need you right now.” “No, are you out of your fucking mind. I’m not touching you until I know what’s wrong. You have to talk to me.” The thoughts in my head and the feelings in my heart are colliding. More sternly and much louder you say “Michelle! What’s wrong?” You’ve rolled off the bed and are standing at the edge. Your hands are out in front of you with your palms up as if to ask a question. I can’t respond. I’m frozen. It’s just pure and raw emotion inside me. Opening my mouth will only set off the stream of tears that I’m trying to fight back. “DAMN IT MICHELLE, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG!” The dam bursts. Yelling at me was the catalyst that caused my tears start flowing uncontrolled. Trails of moisture run down my cheeks. I need get out, I need to leave. I jump up from the bed clutching the quilt. I was almost in tears. I was upsetwith him as he had so clearly been engaging with another attractive girl.I began to wonder if maybe I really wasn't "woman enough" for him."Tanisha, come on," he said to me as I led him to the door. "I's besorry." I saw you talkin' to dat' college slut," I stated, "I'm just sad." I'm really sorry. We's was just chillin' It won' happen again.Besides, we came out here to socialize." Oh DeShaun," I said as we exited the door, "Maybe Kiana was right.Maybe I'm not ready for you yet. I mean's , you's is 18 and I is only16. You's almost ready for college but I's still be in high school andjust startin' to drive. " Tanisha," stated DeShaun, "You's are such a beautiful girl, and I is solucky dat's you be my girlfriend. I's sorry I was talkin' to Kiana. Ididn' mean nuffin' by it. You are my girlfriend." Do you really mean it?" I asked him."Oh yes," he replied, "You's be da' only girl I wants to be wif. You'salso just as mature as dose' girls."I felt.
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