Hugo’s who I want, and all I want. So let’s get that ID and do the doctor thing and move along.It takes several days before I’m satisfied that Hugo’s retarded act will pass muster. We can’t practice too long at any one session, he starts to get antsy and impatient; but he has to be good enough that he doesn’t raise suspicions.Once I’m sure he’s got it down we’re ready to go. I’m going to do a clean sweep in one trip, photo ID and social security card—we’ll say he lost his and needs a dupe. I gather up the paperwork, birth certificate and proof of residency, and we’re off to see the wizard—or in this case the wizard’s minions.It actually goes pretty smoothly. It helps that I’m a lawyer; I’ve warned him about showing any personal affection, and I tell everyone he’s my client with a kind of knowing look. Hugo does his act well, and although it’s taken most of the day—my God do government offices move slow!—we’re on our way home with the whole package in hand and I’ve got a big smile on. It’s three miles north of a strip club, and two miles east of campus. I walked in and instantly the clerk could smell my fear. ‘Can I see your I.D.?’ she asked as I stepped through the doors. They had an alert system that ding donged when a person walks in. Just what you want when you visit a naughty novelties store. Her hot pink nails had glitter and rainbows on them. I handed her my I.D. and her eyes squinted and glared back at mine. She was the kind of woman who made mince meat pies out of men’s testicles. I could tell by the glitter she used as eye shadow. Her name tag said Twila. Just the kind of woman you want working at a naughty novelties store. ‘You want anything in particular?’ She asked. I stuttered that I was just looking. Twila smirked and sashayed off. She came back ten seconds later with a dildo and a small silver egg. She handed both to me. ‘Are you an innie or an outtie?’ This was getting a little weird. I could only hope she was referring to my belly button. I.
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