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Because I still loved Annie, she had the power to hurt me. And, if I was honest, I still had the power to hurt her.The question I needed to answer was whether I could get over my anger and hurt, and whether I could get over her rejection of me. After four plus years apart, it wasn't the affair that bothered me as much as it was what it led to, her decision to leave. I was bothered by her decision to give up and not fight for what we had once had.That was the cause of my dilemma.Did I want to give Anne another chance to hurt me? More importantly, could I trust her enough not to abuse that power?I'm not saying that the thought of Anne having sex with Johnson or any other guy thrilled me, but that was over four years ago. If we did get back together, I instinctively realized that we would have to treat it as if we were starting over, in a new relationship. If we tried to pick up from where we had ended, or tried to hang on to jealousy over the people we had slept with during our time. The video seemed to me to revisit thedemimonde and it's child the Decadent movement of late nineteenth centuryFrance and more specifically the work of Rachilde.The video was obviously ground breaking and opened the door for videoslike Lady Gaga's "Alejandro", Marilyn Manson's "Long Hard Road out ofHell" and Taylor Swift's "Look What You Made Me Do".At the time I remember lying on the sofa watching it with my girlfriendJane and getting hard. Was it Madonna's stockings and suspenders that hadgot me hard? Well she had appeared in stockings and suspenders before inthe video of "Express Yourself" so was that really the reason as I had notgot hard watching that video or was I turned on by watching a man wearinglingerie?Jane had noticed my erection and drawn her own conclusions about myerection based on her belief that one of the women in the video wasactually a man. (The person Jane thought was a man appears in one of therooms and towards the end of the video). Her conclusion was the.
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