‘Sorry. The Ghost of Husbands past.’ ‘Ah. Troubled waters, then?’ ‘You know it, honey.’ ‘What’s he do?’ I asked. ‘Depends on who you ask,’ she chuckled — but there was sadness in her voice. ‘Well then, a man of many talents.’ She turned and looked at me, it was a half mocking, half approving look: ‘Well my goodness, Hank. You’re a gentleman, aren’t you?’ ‘Depends on who you ask,’ I smiled. ‘Some folks I know might take exception to that.’ ‘Fuck ’em, Hank! Fuck ’em all if they can’t take a joke!’ She threw her head back and laughed. She reminded me of a lioness, perhaps getting ready to pounce on a water buffalo and crush its neck. ‘The very words I live by, Ma’am.’ She nodded and we resumed walking. People were arriving now, hordes of people… and everyone I saw was in evening attire… everyone, that is, except yours truly. Guests began picking up champagne flutes from passing waiters, waitresses began drifting among little islands of beautiful people passing out canapés, men drifted. See, Dick is into stuff that I'm not into."But I thought it was you who wakes Dick up," you say. (Well, you'd say that if you were paying attention. I know I ramble a little, but try to stay with me. The next dirty story is just ahead.)Yeah, Dick's sleeping until he gets a call from my libido, but once he's awake it doesn't take him long to get off in the bushes. Er, weeds. Whatever.Anyway, he gets into some weird weeds. Places I'd never think about going.Calm down, I'm not going there. Dick's not into dick either. You didn't see an "MM" story code at the top of this page, did you? (To those of you who are disappointed: get your own Dick.)So. Weird weeds.Well, there's Marge in Human Resources. Really nice lady. She's been there since they hired me. Knows all the ins and outs of sexual harassment and inappropriate conduct. And that was before we hooked up. But she's 54 years old and 300 pounds, so most of you don't want to hear her story. I don't really want to tell it. We're still.
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