My parents, after "the Talk" four years ago. There was a discussion of everything I already knew from friends. They didn't surprise me when they told me masturbation is a natural thing. My present that day was my own computer and said that if I wanted privacy I should keep my bedroom door closed. They always knocked and many times I had to say "Later". This night though we had talked about for several weeks. They told me 18 was a special age. I was given the option of watching the conception DVD in my room or watching it in the living room with my parents there to give information as it went on. I chose to have them with me. I knew that Charles had been the cameraman.I was in a stuffed chair to the left of the couch my parents sat on. Charles put the DVD in the player and handed me the remote. "Jonathan, this is how you came to be." The scene started right away with a time stamp July 18, 1994 which was three days and nine months before I was born.It was obviously a motel. I don’t like ... fuck. It sounds degrading.”“Force of habit,” I sighed. “I won’t use it again.”“Thank you.” He kept frowning.“What else is bothering you?” I asked.“I feel bad for making you sin,” he said.“I don’t think of what we do as sin,” I said.“It’s fornication, and fornication is a sin,” he said.I looked at this amazing man/child, the boy I’d fallen in love with. I knew that’s what it was, now. I had gone beyond just scratching an old itch. I loved him. I had always assumed the Army would be my groom, and that I’d never be in one place long enough to forge the kind of bond that leads to getting married and having children. And, after the Army, of course, I hadn’t thought there’d ever be another man in my life. Nuns don’t get to have men in their lives. Not in that way, anyhow.I felt this odd twisting sensation in my gut as I stared at him. It was eerily similar to the feeling I always got just before the shooting started. It was the feel of danger, of the fight or flight.
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