I was VIOLATED!!! I had no choice other than death at the time though. So I lived through it and only considered the main recycler a couple of times. Marissa and especially Katy spent so much time convincing me that I was still a man and that they wanted me to be their man that sometimes I wonder why they didn't both slap me and tell me that I needed to grow up. Being a concubine meant that I'd signed up for such treatment even if it wasn't spelled out in detail. I'm not sure whether that would have been better or worse, just that I can see the other side of how I acted. I mean Lily and Katy have both been violated as well and seem to accept that as part of being female ... I don't think it should be that way but I've begun interviewing other women who've been forced. There aren't very many left on board the Dawn Princess but still they seem to have a sort of fatalistic approach to it. Rape happens. If the man doesn't kill you then you survive. If you have a baby from it somehow that. I have very high pain tolerance. In my former job you had to. I’m talking pain levels high enough to make me lay in bed for several hours crying and using every bit of my self restraint to keep from putting my gun in my mouth to make it stop because my pain pills aren’t getting it.So there’s large bursts of OMG pain occasionally and an almost constant drone of low level that I live with always. You get sick of that. When you stop hurting. You’re afraid to move because it might start again.With my type of Aphasia you transition back and forth from verbal to various states of non verbal. These can scale from almost unnoticeable slight pauses to severe stuttering to jumbled sentence structure to absolute muteness. I run the entire spectrum though absolute muteness is somewhat rare with me. Now there are soft transitions where the speaker may feel a slight pressure before or as or after the transition occur. Then there are hard transitions that are very painful. Transitions being.
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