First effort? Shit! That could only mean it needs a second effort. “Now please don’t consider criticism to be negative when it is intended to help you make this better. I’m not going to use words like ‘I like it’ or ‘I don’t like it’. That’s irrelevant to our discussion. My personal tastes are not at issue. I’ll try to keep this as objective as I can within the realm of language and literature. Good enough?”“Yes, ma’am,” I said. I was already a bit dejected. I’d put my heart into this story. Toughen up, old man.“Okay. Let’s start with the story arc. I think you could begin with something more dramatic that draws the reader into the story more rapidly. It’s the third page before we have a clue that they are boarding a spaceship. Lead with it. Even a simple a sentence of thought from the main character that said, ‘I took one last look at the earth before I boarded for my journey to the stars.’ Something that immediately sets the scene. Then you can deal with the weight of his baggage,. I eagerly agreed to meet him again at a hotel room, in his car and a few more times in the back alley after drinks with his friends.“You are a promiscuous little slut. I find you delectable. I wonder just how adventurous you’re willing to get?” Paul said to me one evening while we were smoking a cigarette in the back alley after another mind blowing fuck session. “You never know, baby... I might just surprise you,” I cheekily replied. “My sweetheart… I think you might just surprise yourself," he said and left it at that.He was interesting, this one. I couldn’t help but wonder where this was all going. That is, until I got a call from his wife. “Hello… is this Chase?” she asked. “Yes, that’s me,” I replied. “Hi, Chase. This is Tam. I’m Paul’s wife. I got your number off his phone.” I was quiet for a second and then quickly replied, “Paul? Who’s Paul?” She laughed on the other side of the phone, “Don’t worry, hun… I’m not phoning cause I’m busting you. I know Paul fucks other people. I.
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