After securing twenty minutes of abject apologies from me, four of thewomen headed back to the neutral corners of the room, leaving me tospar with Erika. I was still retreating before the intensity of herattack, my masculinity on the ropes.To appease her, I desperately tried to convince her that I wasn'tirredeemably macho. I even told her that I cherished my "feminine"side. It was an untruth, a lie, a whopper, probably the biggest b.s.that I've ever piled onto someone. Short, slight, and hairless, Idespised the feminine hormones that had messed up my body. The onlything I cherished was my flat, bony ass, because it was my mostmasculine feature. For as long as I could remember nothing turned me onas much as the look of my own butt in tight, bikini underwear.As I searched my memory for something to say about my "feminine" side,my right hand began to idly stroke my right buttocks, and suddenly Irecalled the summer of my thirteenth year -- the summer that Idiscovered that my butt looked. I want to wake up every morning next to him and breathe in his scent as I hug myself against his back, to wake him with soft kisses on his shoulder and up his neck before making him mine in the most intimate of ways. Thinking of taking him roughly, passionately and in every other way in between has become one of my guilty pleasures. To give him a kind of pleasure that no one else can. I found my hand straying as I laid in bed thinking of exactly that. I couldn't make myself stop as my hand roamed over my body. I ran my hands over the tops of my breasts as I thought of his tongue in between my legs. I glided my hands down past the waistband of my panties as I imagined his body over mine. I gently rolled my erect nipples between my fingers as I continued to construct the sick, little fantasy of a passion I will never know. But I played it through anyway. I wanted to finish it and I needed to. My body would not let me ignore it especially after these past weeks of loneliness.I trailed.
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