I loved the feminine scents of herbedroom, bath and boudoir. But I swear to God, I never tried on any ofher things. I made do with a pair of panties and a full slip that I stolefrom a cousin's dresser one Easter and hid under my mattress. If Momcaught me wearing her clothes, I was afraid she'd be so angry that she'dmake me dress as a girl around the house, or even in public. Which, ofcourse, is what I secretly wanted to be forced to do. In what twistedways do desire, shame and fate make us behave!"Yes, ma'am," my lawyer said. "Mr. Darmand inherits all his mother'sproperty."Aunt Amanda - tall, athletic, my mother's imperious younger sister,wearing three or four thousand dollars' worth of skin-tight cashmere andleather - scowled. "And all I get is to be the little twerp's guardian?" Yes, ma'am. You have custody of the - uh, of Jesse until his twenty-first birthday. From now till then, the estate will pay you $66,666.66 ayear for expenses."Why did Mom put this in her will? I was a legal. " Ooooooooh, I...I'm sor..r.ry," I try to say."You're doing ok, ma'am, just the body's way of righting itselfsometimes. We're almost here. We'll check for a possibleconcussion."I'm ok, he says. What he doesn't know would make every doctor increation think I'm not so okay. But, I've got to hold on. Think thisthrough, or things will go really bad. I've got to do something rightnow or I'll lose it.I look up at the man holding my hand, a sort of handsome looking man,Claire's husband. I don't even know his name. I smile a weak smile,and squeeze his hand again. And I say in almost a whisper, "Thankyou."He smiles back and with a look I've seen and probably shown others, Iknow what it is, as he says, "We'll get through this, Claire, I know,somehow. I love you too much not to."I again try a small smile back and then close my eyes and between thestabs of pain that are still there, and consider what's going on. I'mnow a woman, I'm guessing somewhere in my late 30's. I have no.
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