I can still feel my face turning as red as those sticky tablecloths. I can still feel the butterflies in my stomach as we drove back to campus, how I tried to find a spot in the parking lot where no one would see us. When I turned out the lights and we just sat there for a minute, when we were not sure what to do but absolutely certain we knew what was going to happen, the anticipation – you remember, too? I thought my skin caught fire as you took my face in your hands, as our faces were drawn together. Do you remember how steamed up the windows got inside that little car, we must have kissed in there for hours! ‘I can still feel the knot in my stomach as I got that funky old room in that wacky motel on the highway out of town. How you snuck in later, after I’d already gone up, and we’d felt so tense. Boy, we sure fooled the world, huh? Yeah, but I think we felt like kids pretending to be grown-ups, don’t you? I think I remember best when you sat on the edge of the bed and took your. "We had anal sex and oral sex, hardsex and soft sex, him on top and me on top. Paulo was also into B&D,surprise, surprise. I was usually on the receiving end of the whip, butsometimes I got to whip him. I had to be careful, though, because he'dbuzz me if I whipped him too hard or too soft"I've learned the human mind can adapt to just about anything. I hadcontinuing thoughts of committing suicide after I got there. I felt Ihad no reason to live. But somehow, some way, some tiny spark of Johnremained in me. John might have been a coward but he wasn't a quitter.He was aggressive and assertive to make up for his small size and frailbody. It might have made him obnoxious but it made me determined tomake the best of whatever situation I was in."Harold noted with interest that Laura talked of John as if he wereanother person."Having sex with Paulo was awful," she continued, "but he was away fromhome on business a lot, usually for days, sometimes for weeks.Strangely enough the hardest times.
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