But we're way beyond that point now.It’s a kind of oceanic state that I’m in during these sessions; I give up all boundaries, opinions, ego, initiative, choice, and desires. I feel the contented sense of belonging that I imagine a dog must feel, following so closely its master’s every cue, spoken and unspoken, that there is never a moment’s indecision, never a gap in which you must make a choice, in which you must decide what to do next. These decisions have already been made for you. You only have to follow them unthinkingly, as if your body were a puppet dancing in a show where you, too, are part of the audience. You are being directed from above. You are part of something larger than yourself, a will stronger, more resolute and decisive than your own. You aren't responsible for what you do, no matter how depraved or disgusting. This is the deeper, more satisfying significance of bondage; the ropes and chains, the gags and blindfolds are only the outward symbols of a paradoxical. I slapped her silly to get her to revive and when she did, that's when we did it. That's when I did it. We fucked right there on the bathroom floor. I couldn't hold it back any longer. She wasn't ruptured from the blow, but it hurt plenty so she didn't fight my thrusts and when I spunked her, she thought we were done, that I was all done with her. I'd raped her. I'd raped her. A pregnant woman. And that was the ultimate indignity. Or so she hoped. I'd raped her. But that had been a week ago and later, which was now, she was in really, serious, deep trouble. She'd tried to escape and I'd beaten her back and now it was time for her to pay, at least her kid in the making was going to pay. She was going to pay with her fetus.Page 9. Caveat: There are accounts and there are other accounts to dismay the spirit and to upset perceptions of permissible violence, that stretch the boundaries and can offend all but the.
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