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Ryan arrives around nine, excited by his weekend. He has clearly missed me and chats excitedly about how I must definitely go with him next year.**********By Friday, I am a complete mess. I go next door knowing Andie is overfeeding Aurora and she opens her door. Just seeing her is enough for my tears to flow. She holds out her arms and I sob on her shoulder.She just holds me letting the emotion drain from my body. And when I get myself under control, she gently asks, “Tell me, sweetheart.”Wandering over to the couch, I'm gripping her hand like my life depends on it. Which it kind of does.“Andie, I tried and my feelings for Ryan are there, I still love him. I adore his stability and being with him. But now there is a second fire burning in me. I think I have to accept that I need to fully experience the passion you have created in me.”“Oh God, everything this week has been difficult for me, as I can’t stop thinking about you.”“I don’t know what the future holds. This feels kind of high. The next one falls seconds later, in the same place, right across the middle of both cheeks. I can only grunt, still trying to catch my breath from the last swat.I am realizing I have bigger problems than just remembering to keep my legs spread. When the strap lands, my instinct is to wiggle, writhing as I absorb the stinging pain. If I’m not bound, I’ll eventually try to get away. But in this case, I have to stay still or I’ll be punishing my own nipples again. I can’t cringe away from the strap, can’t double over to try to protect my body.Several more times he hits my ass, till I’m crying freely again, and I know my face is a mess of tears and snot and drool. I wish I could see him—I hate that he’s standing behind me, just coldly administering the strap like this. It scares me—how will he know if I’ve had enough, if I’m about to collapse? The strap lands on the backs of my thighs, four times in quick succession, and I lose it and jump away from him, as far as the nipple.
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