I went through the grief process, too; denial, anger, and then exploration and acceptance. I forced myself to stop heaping MY anger and stress on David. My thinking wasn’t his problem; it was mine.” She turned and patted Dave on his knee.Alice went on, “Last, as part of my letting go or getting past my fixation was developing a vision of the life I wanted to have. Pam was already with us at that point, and I even tested whether I wanted her in my future life. Ultimately, I defined pretty much how we’re living now, except it got better with the cohousing situation and being physically close to the people I love. I was short sighted as it turns out. I was too limiting in the number of people I would love. I initially thought only two or three. I was too conservative about what my sex life would be like.”“Would you change anything?” Susan asked.“Not right now,” Alice replied after a few seconds of thought. “I’ve never been happier. I got my cake and I can eat it, too. We pulled Owen. I reached for him just like every time he returns he was nice and hard. Being naked he put his hands between my legs and began touching my clit, which he was an expert at.I moaned because I loved his touch he slid a finger or two and when he discovered how wet I was he said, "hmmm someone is nice and wet, have you been thing of me baby?"I moaned and lied, I should have told him everything right then. I should have told Peter that I had been raped over and over. That I somehow I lost an entire week and I woke up climaxing on a mattress being screwed over and over by men that I didn't know. I should have told Peter that I was raped repeatedly but I knew I couldn't tell him that. He would have been furious, I couldn't tell him.I knew if I had, he would ask me if I was hurt or something and then I would have to say out loud to him that it didn't hurt, that they made me come over and over, that I loved the filthiness of it all How could I tell him how much I loved fucking all those men?.
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