Marius went over to a shallow basin filled with water from a melting block of ice, brought down from the mountains. He filled a small pitcher and poured it on himself, “taking it down.” Then he resumed his position behind the commander’s chair.From this position he couldn’t help but watch the scene a few steps down from the dais. At that level the rest of the assembly banqueted at round tables and watched as a prisoner of war was humiliated and tortured for their entertainment. This man was tied intricately and was being whipped with great skill, the whip reaching his exposed skin unerringly. This happened once or twice a week, and Marius was puzzled by his own reaction. He didn’t identify with the torturers, expressing rage at his situation, as one would expect. Instead he felt a warmth come over him at the idea of being tied and humiliated and tortured. Perhaps he was hoping to be killed? No. He had no wish to die, even though his days were unbearably tedious. But every time one of. ” I said as I took the sheet of three by five paper and stuffed it in my pocket. “I will. You’re right, I’ll stop smoking.” I wanted to believe my words but I felt like a liar. How could I give up something that’s been so much of my life? “Christ, what’s he thinking?” I wondered leaving his office on the warm Christmas Eve morning. “That I’m superman? The man of steel who can bend his will to do whatever’s right?” I’m a smoker and every one knows smokers are weak and we slink. You see us standing in door ways outside all sorts of buildings, as the world passes us by disappointed at our weakness for not being able to stop that dirty, nasty habit. We sneak into restrooms to grab a smoke like we use to do in high school. We even do it at home as our non-smoking spouse ask, “How many cigarettes is that today?” and we lie, give some low ball number when you should really multiply it by two or three. Yes, smokers, slink and so do I. But I recall a time, almost a half a century ago when.
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