“It’s for training dogs,” I said, saying the first thing that came to my head.“Honey, what’s this cage for? It’s pretty large for just dogs, isn’t it?” she asked.“Great Danes, mom.” I shot back.“Oh, son, I don’t think it’s acceptable in 2020 to have whips like these for the animals,” she chided.“Tough shit!” I responded, having no good comeback for that one.“Language, Steve-O!” Mom huffed.I sighed.“Where’s the hole in this red rubber ball? How do you wear it as a clown’s nose?”“Mom, let’s just…”“Ooh, what are these tiny little clamps for?” she asked, picking up the new nipple clamps I’d bought for my gal.“Those are nail clippers, Ma!” Hey, her sight is failing too, she might believe that!Then she saw the Hitachi wand. “Oh, what a nice powerful back massager!” she exclaimed.“That’s to massage the St. Bernards, they have thick hair,” I said, shaking my head as she continued farther into the dungeon.“Honey is that a dentist’s chair? Are you studying to be a dentist?” she asked.Huh?“Yes,. ”Paul quickly changed the subject by asking, “So what are your plans for the rest of the day?”I chuckled at my friend’s question, which didn’t go unnoticed by my long distance best bud.“What’s goin’ on, Cuda? Spill it?” he quickly fired off.“Well ... after I get up ‘n at-em, I’m gonna run downtown and pick up Brick and Tempe at the Hilton. Then, we’re gonna...”“What? Whoa-ho! Stop, stop, stop! Brick and Tempe ... just what were your two love-birds doing at the downtown Hilton, Cuda?”“If I remember correctly, they were spooning their naked bodies together under the covers,” I truthfully replied, knowing that would trigger an avalanche of images and questions in my friend’s mind.“Get out! That naked butterfly babe and, and Brick were ... no way!” Paul exclaimed. He then quickly asked, “And what or where was Cuda when these two naked beauties were in bed spooning together?”“Driving home to my bed,” I replied with a laugh because surprisingly it was the gospel truth to his.
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