"Patrick."I was being a baby. No, I was being a fourteen-year-old. In a seventeen-year-old body. With a seventeen- or eighteen-year-old friend waiting for me to, well, grow up. I pulled myself erect, another round of tears just waiting to flow."Tanya, you're the only friend I have," I said with as manly a whimper as I could muster. "Because you're the only one who sees me the way I see myself, without the last three years fucking everything up."She took a deep breath and exhaled."So I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my birthday," I said. "It really never was that big a deal to me before I lost those years. I mean, in my mind. I understand now how important it was to you not to be surprised by it, and I'm sorry. Until Jeanne brought it up, I would have felt, I don't know, like I was asking for presents or something. Please, Tanya, I —"She cut me off."I still don't know if I believe this whole thing," she said as her eyes started to tear up. "I admit it explains a lot of stuff, but. I had already prepared myself for a trip to prison. If Frank wasn't already on the phone with the police then Jodi would be soon. I was done. My anger and resentment had passed and I was left with the feeling of sadness, not that I was going to jail, but for what that meant, what all of this meant. I was going to miss so much of my childrens' lives and Jodi and I were obviously done. Had it been worth it, no, but it was done.As Jodi rolled over, sat up and pulled the blankets up to cover her naked form, I handed her the phone and sat quietly near her on the bed. I watched as she looked at the phone, and was shocked as she put it down. She looked at me and asked a question that completely threw me off my base. “Is that what you want?”I didn't know how to respond. I didn't even understand the question. She repeated it. There was no anger in her voice, no hurt in her eyes, just the question, “Is that what you want?”“I don't know.” I answered her. “I lost track of what I want a long.
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