That was so sexy.We lay there a while longer. Then Sam had to leave. He would already haveto explain the delay returning to his daughters and couldn't stay anylonger.When I got to bed, I mused about tonight's encounter with Sam. Why had Islept with him? Well, he was a sweet and very attractive man. And he gaveme a lot of pleasure. And it delayed for another few days my having tofind someone for abusive sex to fulfill the spell placed on me. But howcould Sam respect me if I jumped into bed with him so easily? Did thatmatter?Well, yeah. But why? I guess because I really liked to be with him. Andover the long run, he would be with me more if he respected me. Then itcame to me. I wanted a long-term romantic relationship with Sam. Insimpler language, I was in love with Sam. Oh, God. That was stupid. Iwasn't even a real woman. How could I be in love with Sam? But I was. Icouldn't deny the pleasure I got just being with him, and the love hisgentleness, his kindness, his. "Have you told Jessie about our childhoods? About your childhood?" Not yet. I will. I don't know if she'll understand. Her family is not like any family we know, except maybe Chuck's. I've been thinking about trying to explain it to her. How mean and hurtful they were. Growing up in solitary confinement like a serial killer." Oh. Tell me how that discussion goes when it happens." I will. How did it go when you finally told Dana?" Luke asked."I will let you know when I do." You are tying to tell me you never told your wife about your life?" No, not really. It was behind me. It is not who I am now. It was something in the past." Bullshit. It has so much to do with who you are now. The way you are now. If you deny that then you forget who you are talking to. I know you better than almost anyone. Ray, Dana is your wife for God's sake." She has her own issues. Stuff she is trying to tell me." What have you guys been doing for all these years? Just having sex every night and never talking?".
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