Be still my heart. In the back of the cab I remember laughing to myself and repeating over and over, “Oh my god. I can’t believe I’m doing this.”I was completely sober, and here I was being driven to a bar that I had never been to, alone at 12:30 at night. No one even knew I had left. As I was pulling up, I could see some women spilling out of the club onto the back patio. Another shot of fear coursed through me. I paid the driver, who was smirking when he said "good luck", and took a deep breath.At the door, I knew I would have to show my driver's licence and pay the £15 cover for u******e patrons. I was prepared for all this because I had practically memorized the club’s website. What I wasn’t prepared for was the beating in my chest, the wads of cotton that seemed inexplicably to be filling my mouth, and the sudden sweatiness of my palms.The woman checking for IDs lazily reached for mine. Suddenly my fingers wouldn’t work. My hands seemed to have grown three sizes, or maybe my. Because you know I’m not comfortable with a random girl and–”“No no, baby, listen to me, please. You remember what you told me in Paris that night at the hotel”“yes, Abel. I told you that I loved you and that I’d do anything for you.”“and did you mean it?”“of course I meant it! I love you!”“and do you trust me?”“of course I trust you, Abel!”“and you swore you’d do anything for me, right?”“Yes, I did. What are you getting at?”“ok. Because I don’t want a threesome with one of your friends. What I want you to do for me. Is fuck someone else.”“What?! Wait. What do you mean?”“Look, Selena, baby. I love you and I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world but I’ve always had this fantasy that I could never talk about. And it’s driving me crazy.”“Oh. So, in this fantasy.”“I watch you fuck another man.”“I– I don’t. But why?”“it’s just something that would make me really happy. And I know it’s a crazy thing to ask a girl but that’s why I’m asking you. ‘cos you’re the only woman I’ve.
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