Wednesday, my birthday morning, was a horror of another kind. Jonathan was gone to school before I woke up; I called in sick, soaked in the bathtub for two hours, until my skin threatened to slough off. I cried, breaking into unexpected, hysterical bawling. I wanted to beat my face with my fists. I wanted to drown myself. I didn't, and knew I was a coward. I almost drowned myself accidentally, falling asleep with my chin in the water.I douched. First with a kit from under the sink, and then with soapy water, four more times. Uncountable millions of sperm cells had invaded my uterus and would never be touched by any flush of chemicals or water. Many had died, others absorbed into my mucus lining, I'm sure, but plenty were still alive, swimming around inside me, searching, searching, and would remain that way for days to come. I could become pregnant. I was a week and a half past my period, I was not on the pill, and we had not used protection. I would become pregnant as stupidly as I. But I love the way you touch me.”“Did you like it when Freddie fucked you?”“All I can remember is that it hurt right at first and it didn’t last long. His goo made such a mess, but I kinda liked the feeling. Would you like to put your penis in there?”“Definitely. Is mother gone?”“Yes, and Summer is sleeping. She won’t be up until noon, you know her. Why don’t we go to your room?”We slipped under my covers and began exploring each other’s bodies and fucked like monkeys all morning. Afterwards, my sheets were so wet with our mixed juices that she washed them and helped me make the bed. We made love at least once every day and often several times a day. She obtained my mother’s permission to get a birth control prescription so I wouldn’t have to use a condom.“I like to ride bareback,” she said.“You’ve been reading too many sexual novels,” I responded, but I loved her mature expertise.Our apartment was above a store that sold leather goods to horsemen. At night, the street lights softly.
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