. is that? ... oh my God!”Lauren placed a finger over her lips. “Sshhh! Don’t say anything. I want to tell them.”Heather smiled at Peter and Lauren, then went to the stairs. “Hey guys! Come on down! Right now!”Little Holly was the first one down, and she came roaring down the stairs and around the corner to collide with her mother. “Mommy! What are you doing here? Are you going sledding, too?”Lauren looked over at Heather. “Robby and I are taking them over to Griffin Park to go sledding,” she explained.Holly’s brother came down next, with his usual morning grumpiness starting to wear off, though he looked suspiciously at the adults. “What’s up?”“We need to talk,” answered their mother. She took Holly by the hand and sat down on the couch, with Holly next to her. Lauren had been hoping that Jimmy would sit on her other side, but instead he sat down at the end of the couch, on the far side of his sister. He was going through an ‘independent’ phase. Heather knelt on the floor next to. Dead was dead. I’d proven that in For Money or Mayhem. A fellow author I’d met told me her book club read it and argued most of the evening until they finally agreed she had to die. But writing that scene had hurt enough to trigger the events that left me out here on the shore alone.Thursday morning, October 8, I wrote the scene and then continued for another five thousand words so I wouldn’t have to stop and dwell on it. A miracle had happened. Someone else had died. It was still sad. I still hated it. But when it came down to it, I couldn’t kill my love. She was far too precious to me.I closed my computer and didn’t write again for two weeks. I sat in that wilderness where I could hear the ocean crashing against the shore and watched my fire. Even writing it as ‘just’ a memory makes me want to open another bottle of wine and live in it.A Long Time Ago: Not Just SorrowI don’t know when or why I became such an emotional person. I guess I always have been and my emotions are nearer to.
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