It was almost like a death after a long illness, sad that it was ending but also a sort of relief. I resisted the urge to email him and tell him how much I missed him, and how much I wanted us to have a second chance, maybe it was my stubbornness or my pride, but I told myself if he really wanted to talk to me, he would have done so by now. I cried and cried hoping to cleanse my body and mind of every touch, every word that was so deeply imbedded in my soul. When I thought I couldn’t cry anymore, and the memories had been washed away with the tears, there was still some lingering memory that clung to the hope inside me. I closed my eyes and prayed for sleep, but my mind decided to be cruel and taunt me with what could have been. I awoke the next morning feeling like a freight train had run thru my head, it pounded as if trying to knock some sense into me. I ordered coffee from room service and tried to plan my day. I decided on spending the day touring some museums, subconsciously. "I can get it," he said helpfully.I raised my hand to stop him. "No. I will get myself my drink. I wouldappreciate some time alone on the patio."I came to several conclusions as I drank my several drinks.Yes, he had always been a smart man, a strong man, a sensitive man. But hewas no longer in my eyes my manly man. What sort of man wears a Frenchmaid uniform? Not a manly man; just a man; a diminished, hollower, weakerman.Maybe this was an opportunity to rid him of some of that excessMediterranean machismo he occasionally lorded over my head. Come to thinkof it, his smirk when he first approached me with his fetish fantasyarrogantly exuded that very machismo. Some humility would do him good.And if he can live out some of his fantasies, then why not in fairnesscould I not live out some very new ones of mine?Yes, let him live out a few weekends unconstrained: cooking, cleaning, andsuch. Let him grow to love it so it would be harder for him, addicted ashe might become, to surrender it.And.
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