The problem, it turns out, was that I am not really very good at anything other than killing people. I tried going to college, but it was no better than the high school I barely made it out of. The kids, and they were truly kids, were all at least 10 years younger than me. I felt out of place almost all of the time.After that I tried a succession of jobs, failed at all of them, and had finally settled into a meaningless job as a security guard. I worked the four to midnight shift at a large pharmaceutical company, watching the people come and go who really ran the world. I had been off the teams for two years, and was quickly going down the tubes.I had started going to a nearby bar called Shakeys when I got off work to have a few drinks before I headed home. It was a noisy, smoky, metropolitan crowd with everything from rich kids looking for fun to blue collar guys like me just looking to get drunk. I sat at a booth at the back, sucking down a couple of beers when I saw her come into. Even in the middle of fucking, there's a feeling of need that seems justout of reach; I need to get just a little deeper, it's never quite deepenough. The head and under-length of my penis feel alive with friction,but erections don't just stop when they reach the hip; there's erectiletissue inside the pelvis that can never quite be reached by that warm,enveloping feeling. But I try anyway, try to thrust as deep as I can.Sometimes changing the speed changes the sensations, adds variety to themovement and pushes me closer to the end.You know instantly, when you've reached the point of no return. Suddenly,I can feel my stomach drop out, like I'm riding over the crest of agigantic wave. Before I reached the crest, I didn't really see how largethe wave was, but once I've reached this point, I can see the ocean andrealize it's going to be a wild race to the other side. It feels like myroller coaster car just tipped over the first, tallest mountain onthe ride and accelerates uncontrollably..
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