”“Why not start by taking a shower?”“And then?”“We’ll talk about it. What else can I say? You’ve got to take a shower sometime. You haven’t said prayers for a while. So start with a shower, and then we will overcome the next obstacle, okay?”“I don’t want to move unless it’s all laid out plain, and until that time comes, I’ll just lie here and daydream about it.”“You won’t get very far. By the time you think it out, you’ll be dead.”“One starts with his dreams. When you lose that, then your faith will be next. After that, you lie in bed and ponder how to get out of bed. What am I going to do? I don’t feel like getting up. I don’t feel like talking. It’s impossible to be anything in this place, to get married, to be a holy man. What’s so glorious about becoming a wise man of Islam? Is it nobility in being totally anonymous? It’s a prison. I’ve tried. I’ve done my best. I contemplate Allah all day. I picture him sitting above a blue and open sky, breathing life into the rotating planets,. Every time I sliced off the head of a whining soldier. I felt that strength near me. Every time I seduced some poor fellow into giving me what I wanted. He watched me. Everything I did, he watched me. Every evening, and in the strangest times of it, he would appear. Never coming closer to me than I allowed. Never invading. He hardly spoke. And when he did it was to give me better fighting tips. Like it was all play time for him. A game. A dance.Finally I asked his name. "Lucus Von Irving" was his response. That seemed to open me up more and between sword thrusts, he would ask questions of me. Then he made an offer. Something that was strange. Sounded odd to me. Offers of a sire that would never betray me. A sire who would be strong enough and man enough to treat me like the woman I need to be treated. Things that made me roll my eyes and leave him standing there. I think he liked the way I would just walk off away from him. Turning my back and throwing my chin in the air. So arrogant.
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