I lifted the knife above and closed my eyes. I could feel tears welling up inside of them. Questions penetrated my mind. How much would it hurt? How long before the bleeding subsided? What would my mother say? Would she allow me to be a girl? It was at this thought that I threw down my knife in tears. I shrouded my body in my covered and sat there whimpering, eventually crying myself to sleep, my head bedded in my pillow.That episode was permanent, had I gone through with it. Did I want a permanent change? The answer to that was simply yes. So I stand here now, now with my shirt taken off, staring in the mirror at a chest bound by three thick rolls of bandages.CHAPTER 3- PARENTAL CONFESSIONI needed to tell my mother about the changes I had taken upon my self over the past year or so. I had stolen her credit card and securely ordered a set feminising hormones via the Internet. She rarely checked the bill; she had no time, and simply paid it off. The effects had taken visible effects.. He extolled the fun they shared as couples in those parties, and asked if I would like to join when an opening became available? He said that the group had selected Liz and the wives in the group had selected me as the next couple they would like to add when a vacancy came up. I had never considered the possibility except in bedroom talk with Liz, fantasy that seemed to excite both of us, thinking about what it would be like in such situations. I told Bill I really didn’t think Liz would be open to it, so I would have to take a pass, but inwardly, I was contemplating what it would be like to see another man making love to Liz. Strangely, I was not motivated when thinking of the other wives I would be having sex with if we joined, my focus was on Liz. She has always been the love of my life, with a heavenly body, mind and soul. Over the next few weeks, other husbands I knew from our naked and soft swing parties approached me with similar thoughts, they told me it was a “real blast” to.
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