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This one's shirt's too loud, red flag. This one wears his hair the way my dead brother used to, red flag. It was exciting enough for me just to watch my wife move through the room and draw men's attention her way, but she soon grew frustrated with me. I knew I'd have to be less judgmental."This is Cory." My wife stood arm-in-arm with a black man who was three inches taller than me and ten years younger. He didn't look quite so tall when I'd waved my green flag a moment earlier. "He's into it," my wife said.Cory and I shook hands. "You'll be discreet?" I asked. Cory mimed turning a key in a lock on his lips and then tossing the key aside. That was good enough for me.My wife rode in Cory's car on the way home, and I followed in our car. We were all so excited and have made it home in record time.Back at the house, we drew up some ground-rules that we could all agree on. We made it clear to Cory that would be no v******e, and that if we felt he had crossed a line he was to stop on our. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline? A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch? A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hitany of the ducks.Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelinblindfolded? A. You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.Q. What’s the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe? A. You can tune the lawn mower.Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust fordirections: an in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tunebagpipe player, or Santa Claus? A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate youhave been hallucinating.Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe? A. Add vibrato.Q. What’s the definition of a gentleman? A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn’t.Q. What’s the difference between a dead snake in the road anddead bagpiper in the road? A. Skid marks in.
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