I was embarrassed myself by myinability to concentrate on subjects I used to love, and by my ability to bedistracted by a young face in a smart uniform. I was especially embarrassedby my flirtatious feelings towards the men, as there were some very goodlooking women there, and also because I was supposed to be working onPatrick. I was having a little difficulty concentrating on my goal.Dinner was exquisite. Taste, and smell, was all about chemical detection andI was equipped with a far more complex detection system than the averagenose. This system doubled as part of a filter to determine which substances,and in what amounts, would pass into the plasma that fed my organicprocesses. I couldn't be poisoned, but, as I was finding out, I could getquite drunk.Fortunately, the drinking ended with dessert, and the tables were cleared.The men were offered cigars and brandy, whilst the ladies finished their wineand retired to tables around the dancefloor. The band struck up a waltz,. I will cherish today forever.”“Then why the distance?”“I didn’t mean to be distant.” She put her arm around me and pulled herself against me. “I was thinking. You keep asking me why I dumped you.”“We don’t have to talk about this, now,” I interjected.“I want to ... need to talk about it, now,” she replied.“You said you don’t understand why.”“I know the reason -- I don’t understand my reasoning. I know I had a reputation in high school. It wasn’t one I deserved. I think it was because of the clique I hung out with. I was a virgin, Casey. I didn’t want to be one anymore. None of the girls I hung around with were virgins. Dodd wanted sex. You wanted to wait.”“I figured it was something like that.”“He deflowered me in the back seat of a derelict car on his family’s property. I felt nothing ... well; I felt pain, but emotionally, nothing. We never did it again, but that one time made me pregnant. I never did it with Evan, either. And, with Ben I was simply doing my wifely duty and letting.
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