I asked her to. I was afraid you might have ... problems. Lots of guys who get hurt like you get erectile dysfunction because they get depressed or whatever.”“Wait,” I said. “You asked your mother to jerk me off?!”“Don’t be mad, Bob. I had to know!”“I’m not mad. I’m confused. Okay, I’m a little mad. I’ve been feeling guilty as hell about that. I felt like I’d cheated on you, and now I find out I had... permission?““Well, sort of,” she murmured. I was still lying on top of her. I didn’t weigh as much as I used to, and her breathing wasn’t labored. Call it a silver lining to the cloud of losing your legs.“It would have been nice to know that before it happened,” I complained.“I couldn’t do that,” she snorted. “You can’t just tell your husband you asked your mom to check out if his penis works or not.”“Point taken,” I said. “So you’re not mad?”“Why would I be mad? I want things to work,” she said.“But I got a boner ... for your mother,” I finished weakly.“You just got a boner for me,. So I was.The kids. I should talk about them, so you know I’m not some absolute monster, even though I seem like it.We had two. We lost one through a miscarriage, early in our marriage. That was hard to get through. I never felt it was ‘my fault’, and Jeff, bless him, made damn sure I understood he didn’t, either, but I did rail at the injustice of it. How monstrously unfair it was. How upset and sad it made both of us.We rallied and pulled through, and were rewarded with, first Maisy, and then Andrew, we just called him Drew though. Both are the light of my life. They were millstones around our necks, to be clear, but that’s what comes with the territory. I felt a lot of what they needed were things I provided them with. Running them around to their drum classes and ballet and gymnastics and Karate, setting up play dates for Drew, organizing sleepovers for Maisy and all the rest of it.I’m sure Jeff felt the same, though; he was the one helping them with their homework; what the hell.
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