" Anne knew straight away how angry I was, as I never used bad language in front of the family, and, when I turned to leave her she quickly stopped me,"Don't go. I really didn't think that you would do anything bad to her and I guessed what had probably happened. I was a bit jealous of her getting an experience like that before me. I'm sorry and I will deliver your note. She didn't really say that about me, did she?" I'm afraid to say that she did. I did ask her first, though. Anyway, if you wanted to find out something or experiment, why didn't you ask?" I threw in the last bit sort of as a casual remark in passing."The bitch - I never thought she would blab out our secrets. And don't be so silly, you're my brother, after all!" Anne didn't look too convinced at her denial and I turned and left, saying as I went out,"Thanks for the note, and what difference would being your brother make? I wouldn't be telling anyone and I don't suppose you would either?" and I closed the door softly. ..What might that be like? One afternoon I saw Shirley, the department'ssecretary, and the thought raced through my mind: What is she wearingunder that red dress? I had wondered things like that before, but not inthis way. I daydreamed. I imagined the three of us together: Shirley,Laura, and me. I imagined Shirley taking off her clothes for Laura andLaura giving me her underwear to put on. The office suddenly felt verywarm.I came back to reality and looked at my code. I discovered that in adistracted moment, I had written, "if (i == girl)." Oh, my God. Hastily,embarrassed, I corrected it. "girl" was supposed to be LASTNODE. What had I been thinking? What if someone had passed by, looked at my monitor, and seen it? My God, I thought, what has she done to me? I haven't even said Yes and I can't control my thoughts. When Shirley passed, she smiled at me. Had she seen my typo? Or--worse yet--had she somehow sensed what I had been thinking?The nights weren't much better. .
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