On most occasions, I am surprised at how gentle they can be. Best off all, I know that those mitts of might will never hurt me or be used in anger.I have observed Matt during times of stress, when other men would have lost their cool. Matt assesses the situation, thinks about it, and then takes steps to correct it. There are many times when I just stand back and watch him with awe and respect.It is hard for me to accept the fact that someone adores me. Sometimes I wonder if it is a dream. My life has been a series of relationships that have been formed and then lost. Every time I thought I had finally found a home, I would see that stage end and a new one would begin. Some families were good while others were bad. I guess, over the years, I learned to develop a shield to protect me from the hurt that would eventually come.I have always been self-conscious about my body. I look at the models on the covers of magazines and I cringe. I know there are so many places where I fail to live. Surely she had to suspect it wasn’t mine? I mean our sex life was practically zero. I tossed and turned for a couple of hours. I started watching Kelly peacefully sleep with a small smile on her face and it made me want to grab a gun and shoot her. So I got up and went downstairs to my study. I must admit I did look at my gun and considered it but that was a weak way to go. What did I really know? Going through the years up to now I came with some definite facts. 1. The baby wasn’t mine as I was sterile. 2. My wife was a cheating bitch. 3. Sandman was my worst enemy and he was fucking My wife. 4. Doug Peterson was an asshole but he had been set up by Sandman. It is a hard thing to come to terms with when you realize your whole life is a lie. It feels terrible to be surrounded by enemies. What I couldn’t understand is why. I was a loyal and trusting person. Is that a crime? I didn’t know what to do but I had to make some quick decisions. I took Sandman’s advice to heart and knew I had.
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