" All I can say is try the second stall in the boy's bathroom next to thehall. I pooped there and then it happened. But... don't get your hopesup. I don't know if the where or what or when had anything to do withit." Thanks," she said. She sounded disappointed, and not unjustifiably."No problem," I said. "And... sorry it turned out this way. If I couldgo back and have this affect you instead of me, I'd do it." That's fine," she replied. "It's not your fault." She then smiled. "AndI'd feel terrible taking your chance to be a girl away when you look sohappy about it."She dropped back to blend back in amongst the guys.I kinda felt shitty about this. I was not unhappy about it but I hadnever asked to be a girl, and if someone was handing out the boobs andvaginas there were obviously people they probably should have gone tofirst. It made me wonder why I had been picked. Michael had clearlynever wanted any of the things Michelle was starting to take forgranted.No answers sprung to mind. How. I was fucking a gorgeous woman whom I loved to no end. But I also had been tricked, and, by some people’s definition, abused. I didn’t feel that way, but this was so much information all at once. Processing it all on top of losing my virginity in such an intense way was jacking my heart-rate. I didn’t want to go back into the living room. I didn’t want to talk to Laura. If I had to, I wished we could do it somewhere else. I got out of the shower, but kept the water flowing. I found the cigarettes that I kept underneath the sink, taped to the top of the cabinet because I’m incredibly paranoid of my mom finding out I smoke. I got back into the shower. I smoked the cigarette while the water hit my back and I blew the smoke right up into the vent. It made it easier to think. I also smiled at the cliche of smoking right after having sex. Okay. I need to not only think about myself here. Jack, don’t be selfish. It’s not like you’re the only one who’s shocked right now. Laura just fucked.
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