I continued to think.*Stop being a fool. Be what you are and like yourself. You're not abad person. Why do you treat yourself like one?* I knew the answer, ofcourse. I was projecting onto myself how I thought my family andsociety would judge me if I let them know about Sara, as if beingtransgendered was somehow an inherently evil thing, like looting damagedstores after a hurricane. After all, hadn't Rebecca just told me thatshe had been "absolutely mortified" when Phil handed her the picture ofme at Southern Comfort? Why would she be humiliated by that if therewasn't something dreadfully shameful about it?*Oh shit,* I realized suddenly. *Rebecca's part of the problem. Untilthis past week, she had hidden Sara at home in the same way that peopleused to stick their crazy relatives in the attic or the barn, as if theywere a stain on the family. I wasn't just my own stain, I was hers aswell. We both bought into the shamefulness of my very nature. I neverhad the courage to face. So my FIL volunteered and asked, Nisha, if you don’t mind may I help you in squeezing out the milk.I said, Papa, I tried but it is very painfull unmindfull, of my protests, he brought a container and sat near me and asked me to open my blouse. I was feeling shy but there was no other way and therefore I unbuttoned my blouse. I was not wearing any bra due to the pains. My milk containers were exposed to my FIL and FIL then took hold of my right boob and slightly exerted pressure. I cried loudly as it pained a lot though a little milk sipped out which was collected by FIL in the container. I vehemently protested for not squeezing any more. FIL said, Nisha, there is no other way please bear with a little pain you will feel relieved but still I said no, I can’t bear the pain. FIL then suggested one more plan. He said, Nisha if you don’t mind there is one other way to get this done I asked what way? He said, by sucking the nipples. I said but the baby can’t suck. FIL said I know, you will.
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