“I think you’ve created a monster,” she told Jessica.“What do you mean?”“Katrina! She won’t keep her hands off me. Every time nobody’s around she starts fondling me. Yesterday we were the only ones in the girls’ room, and she asked if she could go down on me in one of the stalls. She’s out of control.”“So ask her to stop,” said Jessica.“When I ask her to stop, she does, but I’m afraid she’s going to do something stupid and get us all in trouble. Listen to this — yesterday, after practice, I went to Ms. London’s office to invite her to the party this weekend like you asked me to. The door was closed so I knocked, and a voice told me to come in — but it wasn’t Ms. L, it was Katrina, I mean Kat... that’s the other thing, she’s been telling everybody to call her Kat now, says it suits her new personality better.”“Hmmm, interesting,” Jessica responded thoughtfully. “And then what happened?”“I go in and Kat’s sitting behind the desk with a funny look on her face. I ask where Ms. L is and. It was a warm afternoon and soda and beer were selling like ... well, soda and beer. In the interest of research, I bought two hot dogs. I knew the drill -- pull out a plastic container from the drawer beneath the grill, open it, open the bun, use tongs to insert hot dog. Except I made a last second executive decision and went with country sausage instead. Good choice.I used my rearview mirror to wipe mustard reminders from my lips and then drove across the street to QuickStop. A boy in his early 20s was standing on tiptoes, taping up the same Bud Lite sign.QS had about the same number of cars, a similar number of customers. I’d wait until another day to do the country sausage comparison testing. But I already had an idea of what was going on in the Gas Station War.Not bad for my first day on the job. If it turns out that I’m right, of course.In mid-2017 Washington DC is as dysfunctional as it’s ever been. In my lifetime anyway. A cantankerous Congress -- House and Senate -- can’t.
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