I sat at the front of the train, back to the wall, and allowed myself to indulge in one of the few creature comforts I had. Music. I plugged my ear buds in and allowed the dulcet tones of the likes of Pantera, Mudvayne, and Slipknot, to wash over me.‘A long time ago I never knew myself. Then the memory of shame birthed its gift. No more the small one, the weak one, the frightened one. Running from beatings, deflating. I’m becoming more than a man, more than you ever were. Driven and burning to rise beyond Jesus‘ Phil Anselmo’s voice blasted into me, the heavy riff of Dimebag Darryl’s guitar carrying me back in time. The Monster was awakening. Hungry from its hibernation.Standing in front of the judge, who sat pale, in horrified silence. Staring in defiance as he struggled to meet the eyes of the Monster. The trial had been short. Marius’ death, while justifiable, had been compounded by Amanda’s murder. The court shrink had called me “One of the most psychologically damaged young men”. Youbegin to squirm with pleasure… our hands still locked together… we begin to flail them slowly up anddown the bed to a private rhythm. I let go and begin to slide down your back slowly never removing mychest from your body. Kissing and caressing you all the way down to your ass…kissing, nibbling, andcaressing your ass like a true lover. Further down I go nibbling and caressing the backs of your thighs…you part your legs slightly as an invitation… but I’m not ready yet. I continue sliding down to the backs ofyour knees with nibbles and caresses… all the way down to the backs of your ankles I nibble and massage.I take your leg and bend it at the knee… then take your big toe and stick it in my mouth… very consciousto give all ten toes attention. Then I start my slide back up. Your legs are still parted… I reach your ass andreturn to my nibbling and caressing… and with one hand take my middle finger and insert it into yourpussy. I take my thumb and index finger I massage your clit… you.
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