. If they're ignored, the people with better things to do are labeled queers or worse. It isn't so different back home ... My wife wanted more attention then she thought she got ... She believed she deserved more of whatever she wanted, and somehow that whatever included sex.So I stopped beating myself up. I don't preen or pose, though ... Too artificial pretending to be anything else to enjoy myself, is the way I look at it. I know I'm not Brad Pitt, but I'm not Lyle Lovett, either ... and besides, Lyle did all right, didn't he, at least for awhile.But I was angry, after I stopped beating myself up. How could she dare to destroy the promise of what we had shared? The bitch! Instead of holding hands and looking out at friends and family at our 50th anniversary, I found myself trying to decide if I could trust anyone enough to risk trying to love again. And for me sex had always been associated with love.I ate at home, which meant I learned how to cook. I exercised, since I wasn't. “I want her on her feet,” said Venetia. Instantly, Xena was pulled up. She stood on rubbery limbs, looking somewhat dazed. Even so, despite her suffering, there was an outline of defiance on her features. I am still a Princess, she told herself resolutely. She looked with hate and insensate rage at the cool, blonde figure seated on the throne. This woman had suspended her in torment for four or five hours. Maybe more. “Kneel,” commanded Venetia, almost casually. Supported by the Overseers, Xena remained erect, her jaw clenching, her eyes blazing. I will die first, she told herself. “Very well, said Venetia, “suspend her again.” “A-AH... no... ooo...” It was an involuntary gasp from Xena. However, Venetia’s order was executed immediately. The pulleys clanked and, now gasping and crying out, Xena was suspended once more. The agonising strain on her muscles was renewed. She began to sob softly as she watched the purple-clad figure rise from the throne and leave the chamber once more. No.
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