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They don’t reach the right spots. Doesn’t matter if they are realistic enough for you to think some dude must be sitting in a bathtub full of ice right now crying inconsolably, or if they look like something that modern art installation enthusiasts might buy for half a million dollars. Shape, color, texture, size, function – I caught them all like they are pokemon. You can find roughly 800 bucks worth of the latest ones in a box at the bottom of my closet. (The older ones have long since relocated to the landfill because gross. Guys, gals, please don’t hoard your toys too long.)None of those thingamajigs has ever given me anything more than a numb pussy and a cramp in my wrist. I only have them because Stacy works at a sex toy shop, has too much money, and deeply believes in conversion. She wants me out of that sad 0.1% and if it’s the last thing she ever does in life.Personally, I just want orgasms. I like those. A lot.Which is why hope dies last.“The dishes and the bathroom,” I. No matter when that time was. Tim and Violet were the first to arrive ... their watches sent out the same message..."I'm not working ... someone is fucking with me."The Powers that Be popped in next and that mostly stopped the influx of rescuers. Those few caught were already in time ... sorta ... on the way, already. Altogether, thirty or so timers appeared."You have Company," said One of Seven to Tim."Don't look at me," Tim said. "Blame the girls." Ah ... the girls. Junior ... I see ... and it's no more than I expect." At that comment, Junior looked peeved. " ... who is the other one?" Constance McDavid," said Junior, by way of introduction. "Connie ... the Powers that Be."Connie gave a worried little curtsey."Ah ... the watch less traveled by ... the one we were supposed to exchange before we went on vacation ... at your house, Junior. Wasn't it?" asked Seven."Don't remind me ... that was an awful two weeks. You guys are messy and I'm the maid." You didn't complain," said Two."So.
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