But before I could even get close to the wall I saw blood spatters in front of my eyes, my television screen filled up with a dark red as my vision shook and I saw the ground nearing fast. The game was over. The enemy had won. I threw the controller of the Playstation 3 on the couch next to me. “Damn, they got me. That was impossible.” “Sorry, Jimmy. But it was very close. You have to admit that was an exciting game despite that we lost. We were so close to beating them,” the female voice said. The female voice was Melissa. We had met through the world of online shooting games and we had formed a little team where we battled other teams online on weekends. I didn’t know much about her though. She was 18, I knew that much, and she liked computer games of course. I had never seen a picture of her or asked for it. But why should I? We did talk about personal things sometimes, but mostly about the games we played or would like to be playing. As our fellow team mates said their ‘See ya. By the time the evening ended she'd persuaded herself as well, explained to everyone that my secret desire was to become the girl I seemed to be, and had gone off with a basketball player whose manhood was up front and unquestionable.I never forgot that humiliation, and neither did anyone else. I became a figure of jest. Only after I'd graduated and met Trish did any woman take my manhood seriously. Even I doubted it for a time, because that Halloween night addicted me. I found I adored the feel of lingerie and the taste of lipstick. I acted out my girlhood in secret whenever I could, always fearful and mortified, desperately afraid of discovery, yet at the same time blissful. Yet no matter how often I dressed I was always apprehensive, ashamed of the smirking, of the fingers pointed at any man who could sink so low as to wish to look like a woman. Any unmanned man! When Trish and I became engaged I confessed my vice to her. She was troubled at first, and demanded to see me.
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