It was the best I had since…I couldn’t remember. I had no idea how it would go in the morning…if he would say anything…if I would. No one said anything. He gave me a little kiss and told me to hang in and then he left. It seemed as if I thought about that night for a hundred days. Every parent claims to love his or her c***dren equally. It’s okay to say it to spare the hurt but of course it bears no semblance to the truth. I was much closer to Jenna than to Renee. Between Renee and me it was mostly ‘live and let live’ and she handled everything herself; most of the time she even called me Gloria instead of mom. With Jenna it was different; there was a strong bond. She came to me with every problem and more often she came just to be in my presence. She hugged and held and wanted to cuddle even into her teens. She never did anything overt but the way she talked about other girls and the way she hugged me made me think she was gay-or something. When she got married, I just hoped it. Her eyes landed on me and I panicked. What do I do-kiss her or shake hands? Do I introduce myself- ‘Hi you don’t know me but I jerk off to you when my wife is asleep’ or maybe ‘ Hi- are you the lady who’s always wanted to take it in the ass- cause I’m waiting for someone…’ My body made the decision for me. In the bar mirror I saw myself stand up, then I heard a voice not unlike mine say ‘ Hello, Johanna’. She looked relieved- great lady, so you don’t know how to go about this either. I sort of hoped one of us did-and I led her to a table in the corner. The bartender nodded and brought my drink over, giving me a conspiratorial wink as he went to fetch her order. I guess we talked .Our mouths moved and noise came out. I remember saying something and making her laugh. I liked that because she put her hand out and put it on my arm. My breath froze in my body. She’d made me come a dozen times or more and this was the first time we’d ever touched. It must have had the same effect on her,.
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