I love both of my girls and Grant is the air that I breathe, I couldn't live without him. As a gift to him and our family, I still wanted to go through the pregnancy experience again.I guess I wanted to see life the way it was for those pregnant women on TV. When they lay there in bed and the man they love comes over to rub their stomach and feel their child growing inside of them. I wanted us to go to birthing classes and pick out names together. I wanted to walk around town with my belly just bulging and have everyone who looked at us know that he had put a baby inside of me.Maybe it was my memory of how bad and how ashamed I'd been during the time I was pregnant with Marie. Maybe it was the fact that with Tara we had shared the experience as I wanted but only the part after she was born. To me, that was only half of what I wanted. Shit I'd have a hundred babies with Grant if he wanted. I'd stay pregnant all the time. Maybe I was just a little bit crazy. In retrospect I now see. ?Are you okay Mum you seem a little upset?? I said to her out ofconcern.She took a cigarette from her pack on the dining table and lit it,taking a deep inhale, she looked at me and spoke whilst exhaling.?No John I?m not upset, especially not with you, but I've had a lettertoday with some news that may change our lives forever but I can'tdiscuss it with you at the moment, I?m sorry.??Oh? I said, my Mum then came over to me and hugged me.?You do know I love you don't you Johnny, don't you???Er yes mum? I said.?Good because I would never let anything bad happen to you.? this wasgetting strange, she then kissed me on the forehead and released me,she sat down opposite me and continued to quietly smoke as I ate.After my lunch, I decided to go out for a walk, firstly I called on myfriend Brian but he was out at his Aunties, so I continued alone.I then visited the local park but nothing of interest was happeningthere either, I then figured that I might as well go shopping andheaded towards my.
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