To compensate, or to torture the families of employees, its hard to say which, Dad's business hosted a Halloween party to which Dad and his coworkers would bring their families dressed up and then do a little business while they mingled. Unfortunately, this meant a lot of drab company. As with anything business-related, Dad got all gung-ho about it. The night before Halloween, he went out and bought us all themed costumes. Our theme was a farmer and his livestock. I was not happy with the theme at all, and worse still, he got my mother and i costumes that were much too small. I was a cow, wearing a one piece swimsuit with a cow pattern that squished my tits together uncomfortably like those push-up bras from the Renaissance. In the middle was a cut out that showed off my mid-rift and over the area where my pubic hair would be if i didn't shave it all were four pink hard-plastic udders. My back was mostly bare except for the cow-print bottoms, below which peek my ass-cheeks, which are. Since I use a pair of mastectomy inserts (aha, hi-tech again) what better place to look than at mastectomy bras. But alas they don't seem to be made in my abundant size, so it was off the Tri-Ess Shopping Guide. I soon had written letters to every supplier of feminine undergarments from Lane Bryant to Omar the Tentmaker. Upon cleaning out the old PO box (under the glare of an annoyed postmaster) and carting away the resultant mass of circulars, catalogs and come-ons I began the Search For The Perfect Bra.As I spent many hours gazing at scantily clad women, a not unpleasant pastime in itself, I happily compared band thickness, color, lacy adornment, fabric, strap placement and other factors and emerged with a scientific conclusion. Lane Bryant had a half price sale on Playtex 18 hour bras that looked pretty good, so they won hands down.I soon received the goods and, lo and behold, it hugged right, supported well and left me with my hands free to do something besides adjust my bra. But.
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