Another email. Another link. More porn. I felt like I would go insane. Self-control, I reminded myself. I would be rewarded for it. At least I hoped so. The video was a woman on her hands and knees, her nipples clamped with weights hung on them. I could imagine the pulling pain she must have felt as her breasts were pulled out of shape, her nipples red and sore. A man had oiled up an anal plug that looked twice as big as mine and was pushing it into her. I cringed at first as I thought about the size of that plug in me, but then as I began to think about it, I wanted to try it. It was like my reactions to Tom back at UCLA again. I wanted to meet the challenge. I wanted to show I was strong. I wanted to prove I was not chickenshit. Again, like the video I had watched earlier that day, I found myself wanting to be the girl in the video. I wanted her pain, wanted her desire. I felt it with her. I bit my lip and tried desperately not to start gyrating in my chair just to feel my anal. Then I threw my head back and pushed away from her. "No!"Tina cried out.I got up and charged across the room, turning away from her, my handsup on my face. "No!" What is it Tony? What's wrong?"I glared back at her. "What's wrong? What's wrong!?"She stared back at me, uncomprehending."Look at us," I said, gesturing down at my massive stocky body and oilyoveralls. "Look at who we've become! This ain't right! We don't belong'ere! Whatever did this to us... It's poisonin' our minds - making usfeel like we really are these people - making us wanna be! We have tostop! Just fuckin' stop!" But Tony," she whined, "I do wanna be me like this. I wanna be sexyand loose. I don't wanna be stuck-up and frigid." No!" I bellowed, "No! That ain't you talkin'! Just think for a minute. We 'ad perfect lives before. Fuckin' perfect! We was rich and goodlookin'. We had a fuckin' bootiful apartment. Amazin' jobs..." Igestured round the room. "We don't want this - this squalor. We don'twant to be these fat.
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