And her heart would close. But now, with the pain gone, she realized she needed to find a man like Juan. A man who knew the language of his heart and wasn’t afraid to speak. A man very different from the men she’d found herself seeking out in the past. With sudden resolve she sat up. She saw the ice cream on the nightstand and without hesitation dropped it in the wastebasket. A moment later the book, a romance novel, followed. She stood up, actually liking the feel of her body, and began to pace with growing excitement. She would call her friend Cynthia, she decided. The friend she’d been avoiding for so long because Cynthia would always ask if she was getting out, doing things. Perhaps it was time. Cynthia would know where to start. Ashley and Don were cuddling, holding each other on the couch and quietly kissing. They hadn’t known this kind of contentment for a long time. ‘We should ask Juan if we could have a tape of that music so we could play it every night,’ Don said. ‘Every. I don't have this girl side to play with. When I'm doing it I'm pretending that this..." he said, holding up his right fist, " ... is somebody else. I'm not getting turned on by looking at myself naked."JeffLynne screwed their faces up as they processed this, and Joey continued. "Look, maybe this is one of those things you don't understand because you have two bodies, but you like both boys and girls, right?" They nodded. "Well, it's probably because both sides are straight, and Jeff wants girls and Lynne wants boys."They shook their heads. "No, I don't feel like that," said Jeff. "I don't have half-desires for people." Maybe that's because you merge all that desire together. Or maybe you really are both bisexual. I don't know, but me? All I know is I don't have a girl side inside me that wants to rub up against guys. The idea is just disgusting to me."Their faces fell. Joey could see the pain in their eyes. "Don't say that," said Jeff."I'm sorry. But that's how it works for me..
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