No longer hidden behind the shade of fog that had consumed the beauty of this world, but offering such vivid colors and images that caused my lips to curl the right way for the first time in my life.Each day I spent with you fulfilled my dreams and wishes a million times over. Holding your hand as we walked, my arm wrapped around you while we sat upon the bench, watching innocent children play. I never truly thought anything could be better than this I had with you. Each kiss with you only made me love you more. Each night we made love, we expressed desires and fantasies that we brought to life. The world was ours for the taking.So, I hope you know how much I loved you, and the pain I feel deep inside now you're gone. I hope these words in this letter I wrote to you reach where you are now. I sit before your grave on the anniversary of every year since you passed, anger filling my head at him for stealing you from my life. I still don't fully comprehend why he took you from my arms.. Richard had a scotch; I knew what I wanted to say, but lacked the courage; I made a pitcher of cosmos, and had four of them, my limit is two. I was so anxious that, even with the four drinks under my belt, I wasn’t sure I would go through with it. When he went to bed, I stumbled to the bathroom and then joined him. We did not make love that night; well, not at first.?Richard,? I said before he fell asleep, ?when you tie me up and, you know, spank or whip me???Huh???You can forget about safe, sane, and yes, also consensual.?That got his attention. In the dim light, I saw his eyes opening wide; I also saw a different movement under the sheet that covered a certain part of his anatomy.?But you cannot take, not even five strokes of the flogger!?Before I lost my nerve, I told him what I needed so badly to say.?That’s why I have to get rid of my safeword. It doesn’t work for me if I can stop you at any time,? he looked puzzled. ?I don’t like pain, that is not my thing, that’s why I always.
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